Walking Alongside Survivors of Violence

Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

As we approach the end of the year, it is good to reflect not only on our lives but also of those around us. Today, I invite us to reflect on lives that are in danger of violence and those who are experiencing it, one way or the other.  

It is undeniable that men and boys face violence, but the truth is that girls and women experience it disproportionately. 

Growing up, I witnessed verbal and emotional abuse, which I thought was normal at the time. It wasn’t until much later in life that I learnt that these were in fact types of violence. Creating awareness on violence is therefore as important as walking alongside those impacted by it. 

At World Relief we teach staff, through prevention of sexual exploitation and abuse policies, that violence is unacceptable. Making sure that staff understand that violence is unacceptable before they can teach others is an important step in ensuring communities also understand that violence is unacceptable.      

As a Christian humanitarian organization engaging in a historic displacement crisis, we walk daily alongside individuals who are impacted by it. In hot spots of displacement like Sudan and DR Congo, we work to protect the most vulnerable from violence and help those scarred by it to heal. At the same time, we provide comprehensive training on protection from violence in those countries as well as others like Burundi, Kenya, Malawi and Rwanda.​​​

As a global technical advisor for international programs at World Relief, I also build awareness on violence against women and girls, which helps to heal and strengthen families. 

World Relief’s family strengthening interventions such as Families for Life, an intensive couples-based intervention, was designed to improve relationship skills, promote gender equity and reduce domestic violence. Families for Life not only challenges traditional norms that hinder joint decision-making and equal participation of men and women in family life but also addresses domestic violence which creates a toxic home environment, especially for women and children. The curriculum, which is woven with Biblical verses, uses participatory exercises, stories and vignettes of couples. It also includes family members, neighbors, and faith leaders to support the exploration of cultural norms, patterns of inequality, family systems, the nature of couple relationships, trust, values, communication, joint decision making, power and agency. 

Couples (comprising church leaders and community members) participate in 8-14 sessions over three to four months, focusing on strengthening, equipping and protecting couple relationships and families, especially in joint-decision making, communication skills, conflict resolution and the balance of power within couple relationships. 

“I didn’t think it was wrong for me to beat my wife or for her to ever answer me back during an argument — even when I was dead wrong, until I learned that my wife is valuable and is created in God’s image like me. I now respect her, which I would not have done if I had not gone through the Families For Life lessons.” —Families for Life participant in Kenya.

Evaluation results have shown that World Relief’s family strengthening programs:

1. Enhance couples’ communication, with participants reporting improvements in how they talk about their feelings, daily concerns, and decision making.

2. Promote greater gender equality within households, with couples reporting joint decision-making in crucial areas such as finances, child spacing and nurturing.

3. Lead to reduction in domestic violence, with couples resorting to non-violent conflict resolution which was not the case before lessons.

4. Couples report higher levels of mutual satisfaction in their relationships, including improved sexual relations and better emotional support between partners.

5. Formalization of marriages which secures women and children from property grabbing and other forms of abuse.

Across the many communities and geographies where World Relief engages, we have seen how lack of knowledge of what constitutes violence fosters acceptance of wrong and harmful norms, leaving generations of girls and women suffering silently. To address this issue, World Relief has begun using  Tearfund’s Transforming Masculinities intervention to create awareness on violence and promote equality in target communities in Burundi and Malawi.  World Relief staff walk alongside communities who have been trained as “champions” against violence. These “champions”  conduct weekly community dialogues on topics often considered taboo such as domestic and sexual violence. The community dialogues are platforms where women and men discuss issues affecting them such as power, equality and violence and how to solve them — mostly using God’s Word as the key reference. 

“I used to think domestic violence was a private matter but now I know that it is not. Beating a wife is not right and we should not keep it a secret. We used to think it was a way of life but now we know that beating one’s spouse is the old way of dealing with issues. In fact that was the advice we were given when we were getting married — that a wife must be submissive and if not as a man I needed to beat her. Thankfully, through the community dialogues I have been taught that this is not right.” — Community dialogue participant in Malawi.

Additionally, World Relief’s early adolescent and adolescent girls’ programming in Burundi, Cambodia, Kenya, Malawi and Rwanda seek to empower children to see their value and potential, improve their basic communication skills and introduce them to concepts of equality and mutual respect. The adolescent girls’ “Thanzi Langa, Tsogolo Langa” (“My Health, My Future”) approach particularly seeks to build a movement of empowered adolescent girls who can care for their bodies, have healthy relationships, protect themselves from harm, and make wise decisions for their future. This work is preparing the next generation to break the cycle of violence.

Apart from empowering communities to prevent violence, World Relief is walking alongside those impacted by violence as follows:

1. Providing information and trauma-informed resources. This includes information on local hotlines, shelters, legal aid and mental health psychosocial support. Ensuring people know where to turn for help is a critical first step.

2. Connecting individuals to critical services like emergency shelter, legal aid, trauma counseling and medical care.

3. Using safe, judgment-free platforms to center the experiences and voices of survivors, always with their consent where survivors can be heard, believed, and validated without shame or blame. Sharing stories of resilience and healing can challenge stigma and let others know they are not alone. Believing someone is a powerful step toward healing. 

4. Establishing survivors’ support groups where survivors can interact and share their stories in an environment free from victim-blaming.

World Relief’s prevention and survivor support is key for flourishing and restoring relationships, which is central to our vision of thriving, welcoming communities where families flourish, and people experience restorative relationships with God, their neighbors, themselves, and all of creation.

How can you help? 

Here are some ways you can contribute: 

1. Educate yourself on the signs of abuse — which can be physical, emotional, financial, or digital. Deepening your understanding of these signs can help you support someone who may not be able to ask for help directly. 

2. Continuously reflect on your own biases and behaviors. Unlearning harmful societal norms is a necessary lifelong priority.

3. Do not condone abuse, harassment or violence. You can create a distraction, directly address the situation, or find someone to help if you witness harassment online or in public.

4. Challenge sexist jokes, language and stereotypes among your colleagues, friends and family — keeping quiet may mean you are in agreement.

5. Listen without being judgmental if someone experiencing violence confides in you — your reaction is important. Avoid asking questions which imply blame e.g. “Why were you there at that time?”. Rather assure the person that you believe them and offer to support them.

6. Talk to children about respect, healthy relationships, consent and bodily autonomy. We can break the cycle of violence by teaching the next generation from a young age.

7. Donate to programs working to alleviate violence.

---